Days 1&2 I worked mainly on viola, working on tuning, specifically third finger, and just generally finding my way around it for the first time in a while! Today partly due to some lower back pain, I’m mostly sitting and reading the Simon Fischer ‘Basics’ book, experimenting with bow hold, rather than playing much. I’m told this book is a classic and that if I’m not familiar with it then I must have used some other ‘method’. Not that I remember (though please note, I think I probably did, and was such a bad student that I did not put enough time in to even recall. Very sorry, past lovely teachers). Why has it taken me this long to open this book, having bought it a year ago? Well, because I’m scared of it. Yes, of the book. Trouble is, I know it’s going to highlight a lot of ‘Basics’ that I don’t know. And I don’t feel like that’s okay. I’ve been playing for 25 years, I have a degree, teaching work, performing work, and an awful lot of my identity has been built on ‘being good at the fiddle’. It’s always hard as an adult to immerse yourself in what you don’t know, but even harder when there’s a risk that it’ll cause the stone you’ve built your house on to turn to sand. Exposing one ‘basic’ that I have been getting wrong would be one thing, but everything is so interconnected in violin playing that I fear changing one thing changes it all! Step on a butterfly, hip bone’s connected to the thigh bone, etc etc.
The exercises in question!
There’s also the risk that in facing my flaws, I’ll have to admit that I really could’ve improved on them years ago. I’ve had the Simon Fischer book for a year and been too intimidated to open this particular 231-page can of worms partly due to mortification that I don’t already know everything in the book (or worse, know almost nothing in it). The end result of which is that I’m starting to learn what it has to teach me at 30 years old, rather than at 29. BUT THEY’RE BOTH TOO OLD I hear my brain cry. The other option is later, or never… Then I only have to think about how little I’ve practiced (as in, not for a specific thing, just generally - that’s another topic entirely!) over the last many years, and that feeling is amplified.
Through my career thus far, I’ve taught people from ages 3-83, in a mixture of very formal, and very informal, settings. I know it’s never too late to improve, and I know how I’d advise a friend or pupil on this issue. Less judgement for what you can’t do here, do something rather than nothing, more patience and embracing of the process, however slow. I also know part of me would be just trying to paste over my own insecurities even as I advised them of that! I think the very fact that I teach is part of the issue here. Surely as someone who teaches I should know this stuff, hell, I should be able to teach it all. It’s okay to not know, to ask the silly questions, but maybe not if you’re the person who’s meant to know the answers? The more I read this book, the more there’s a chance I’ll realise how incorrectly I’ve taught my pupils, and that feels unforgivable, like some awful secret. “My teacher is wrong about the one thing she’s meant to be able to do”. If I didn’t teach, would I find it easier to get back to basics without judgement? Yes, I reckon so. I wouldn’t have questioned those basics as much though - nothing makes you think about all aspects of playing more than trying to (And f(l)ailing) to figure out why it doesn’t sound right when you’re instructing someone on it. If I show insecurity in my playing, does that undermine my entire worth as a teacher?
Also, as much as we can all spout that it’s important to be a life-long learner, there’s the old fear; If I expose how unknowledgeable/vulnerable I feel (or am?), will I lose work? Nobody is choosing to book me because I know exactly where my 4th finger sits on the bow and how it interacts with the weight of the bow throughout a bow-stroke, but it’s sort of a given, surely, and anyone publicly admitting they need help with these basics is possibly a bit less of an exciting prospect as a collaborator or performer? I’m aware if that was actually applied to every aspect of playing any instrument, many - if not most - of us would be out of a job?! I hope it’s not just me!
Actual practice done - Exercises 1,2,3 and 4 of SFB. Number 4 is a real thinker for me, as I’m not really sure what my pinky has been doing on the bow, especially in the lower half. Number 2 made me realise my thumb has been sitting in (according to SF) totally the wrong place. So points of awareness from today are;
Where’s your pinky, top of bow or upper inside edge?
Is my pinky actually ‘controlling the pressure of the bow in the string’ (LH) or ‘balancing the first finger, preventing the tone from becoming too pressed’ (UH)?
Relationship between thumb and second finger, is your thumb sitting ’very slightly to the left of the thumb as seen from the player’s viewpoint’?
And yes - more time was spent on reflection than actually playing here. There’s probably an element of ‘shut up and get on with it’ needed! Would love to hear any thoughts (or answers, please!) below in comments, on instagram or directly to me at sallyfiddle@gmail.com